Day 1: I Am CrossFit

Today was hard.  I mean REALLY hard.  At first I thought it was because my stupid body wouldn’t work, due to my JUST getting on antibiotics for bronchitis but, then I realized after talking to my coaches, there is something far worse than a lack of lung capacity.

My day started off great.  I slept in, had my coffee and breakfast, and my hubby and I headed to the gym to take on the day.  First thing up was measurements, yes the ever-dreaded shirt off “before” photos, pesky measurements around all your squishy parts, and the body fat %.  Seriously, I think you could be in the best shape of your life and still get anxious about those stupid numbers!

I had my measurements taken (which I’ll share with you all but my coach has them written down!) and I chose to do the Dunk Tank for my body fat.  It’s pretty cool.  It’s the most accurate way to measure your body fat percent by going all the way under water, blowing all the air out of your lungs, and VIOLA-depending on who knows what that water does it tells you where you’re at.

Good news, although I fell off the proverbial wagon pretty hard after my achilles injury I’m still at 18.5%.  My ultimate goal is to get down to 16% in the next 8 weeks.  The gal who did my dunk today put me down for 15%, holy moly that seems steep.  All that being said, I’ve got 5 lbs to lose and a boatload of muscle to put on.  I’m currently sitting at 131 lbs.  I shouldn’t go any lower than 126 lbs so there’s going to hopefully be some fat/muscle swapping going on.

Next up for my day included choosing three skills that I want to focus on during the challenge, so they assessed where we are currently at.  My three skills I chose to work on were:  handstand push ups (max effort for 1 minute), Strict pull ups (max effort), and L-Sit for time.  I hated this.  I started to feel the dang cough syrup I took earlier this morning, I felt cold, and wasn’t thrilled with what I accomplished…at all.

Handstand pushup-13 with 3 abmats under my head…that means I pushed up about 2 inches 13 times…hmmm
Strict pullups-I loathe these.  I love to kip, how do you not kip?!  I got 5 max effort on a red band…augh
L-sit for time-I kept my legs straight out which I was happy with however only 11 seconds held.

I have to be honest.  This is where I started to tear at myself.  I’ve been doing CF over 18 months now, I’m somewhat a veteran at our box.

My mind kept playing over and over, you’re embarrassing yourself, these people watch you, read your blog, and you can’t even do an L-Sit?!

Then came our baseline WOD, Fran.  I like Fran.  She’s a lung burner and sneaks up on you but I was stoked this morning to hit it hard. Only problem, my lungs are no where NEAR where they need to be to do this WOD.

Fran is 21-15-9 Thrusters and pull ups.  I did #55 thrusters rather than the RX of #65 and STARTED with the mini purple band.  Half way through my 21 thrusters I started realizing I really couldn’t breathe, half way through my pull ups we had to change out bands to red.  I got through the thrusters at 15 then the room began to spin.  I literally was so focusing so hard on my coach Matt’s face as he kept cheering me on but there was no face to be seen (that was a bit scary).

I can say, that today was a first for me.  I stopped in the middle of a WOD and laid on the floor, it was that or pass out.  I wanted to quit.  I wanted to start crying.  I wanted to tear my stupid lungs out of my chest and tell them to work-damnit!  I realized I was in real trouble when my other coach “Bob” walked over with worry written all over her face, my husband stood behind me, and my other coach Matt stood to the side…all sides covered in case she passes out.

Awesome, just what I want:  to make a spectacle out of myself.

I laid there, and got up.  And I finished.  9:28.  Two minutes longer than when I did in November, who cares if I went up in weight…two flipping minutes.

So like I said earlier.  Yeah, my lungs not doing what they needed to do, like give me oxygen-I hated it.  But the worst was sitting on the floor and not being able to control my tears.  I felt like I embarrassed my gym.  I felt like I embarrassed my coaches.  I felt like I let them down as well as other CFC members.  The worst feeling in the world is to feel like you’ve let others down.  I’m still fighting tears as I type this.

In all her wisdom “Bob”, OK Karen, texted me later tonight to check on me.  And you know what she says?

“DO YOU HEAR THOSE LIES YOU’RE BELIEVING?”

You know she’s right.  And she teaches us about these limiting beliefs, lies that have grown over the years that take root and literally mold how we see ourselves.

Today my lie:  ”I will always let people down and not be good enough” reared it’s ugly head.

I hate this lie more than my lack of performance, more than that stupid fat % going up since this past summer.  I hate it more because that LIE has gotten in my way my entire life.  I’ve prayed, literally thousands of times, that God would just let me feel and know I’m good enough for Him.  But, for some reason the lie keeps winning.

So this challenge, is more than losing 5 lbs and gaining muscle.  It’s more than handstand pushups, L-Sits, and strict pull ups.  It’s definitely more than kicking Fran’s butt next time (which I’m still determined to do).

It’s about eradicating my limiting belief-this ugly lie that has controlled me for too long.

This is my journey into IAMCF.  Unadulterated, sometimes melancholy like today’s.  I will be absolutely 100% honest with you about this experience and of course share with you what I’m eating and some fabulous recipes.  For tonight, I’m signing off.  No recipe.  I gotta go lick my wounds, pray that I will see myself through His eyes, and take on tomorrow new and refreshed.

Night all.