Diarrhea & Disgusted



It’s  a gross title, I admit.  And, not the best blog for a personal chef and foodie.  However, it gets my point across (although, my previous title was a bit more crass, so I toned it down.)

I take my health VERY seriously.  I’ve taken huge steps to ensure I lost weight but I’ve also worked tirelessly to HEAL my body from the inside-out.

I eat NO gluten.  I avoid inflammatory causing foods.  I watch my body’s PH to make sure I’m in balance.  I sleep 8 hours a night.  I drink over a gallon of water a day.  I workout 5 days a week.  I eat all REAL food, nothing from a bag, box, or jar.  I do chiropractic.  I see a cardiologist.  I do hydrocolontherapy quarterly.  I use as many natural products possible.  I take additional supplements like Vitamin D and probitoics.

This isn’t just some whim, or fad diet for me.  This is how I ensure I care for my body and don’t fall prey to a life riddled with bowel disease or worse, cancer.

Like any family, it’s nice to have a relaxing Sunday. This Sunday we took the morning off from church to get some projects done around the house.  We headed to Home Depot with our list in hand and got all of our needed supplies.  Ofcourse, 2.4 seconds into our shopping session our boys started grumbling that they were starving.  And, like any family, we chose to grab something while we were out.

I’m EXTREMELY careful when I try new places, always making sure 1. Do they have a gluten free menu and 2. Do they even know what gluten is.

Yesterday was no different.  We visited a Shane’s Rib Shack near our home.  Their corporate website, shows a gluten free menu as did the restaurant we visited.  I felt fairly confident I would be safe, however I asked the girl working the counter, “Are you sure this is gluten free?”

“Oh yeah, yeah.” was her response.  Confidence started waining, ya know?

But, I TRUSTED the gluten free menu posted on the wall,  as well as the corporate site I visited BEFORE I walked into the restaurant, and even the laxadaisical response from the counter girl.

Silly me.

Not only did my bloating start within 15 minutes but the constant running to the bathroom ensued.

Yeah, it’s disgusting, but I’m ticked off.

Maybe, just maybe, a real glimpse into what happens to my body will wake people up!

The diarrhea started within an hour of lunch and continued throughout the night.  I vowed not to let it ruin my day of DIY projects so I bulled through.

As you know, too much poop equals dehydration.  So as the night wore on I was up every two hours either running to the toilet, or gulping down huge glasses of water because I’m was so dehydrated my head pounded me awake.

If that’s not bad enough, 4 hours after lunch the swelling started.  When I tangle with gluten the first, violent attack is for my colon but then comes my joints.  My knees noticeably swell and then my ankles on down to my toes.  Lying on my side is impossible because the nagging ache in my hips doesn’t allow me any comfort.

Then comes this morning.

I’m a mom, I have two little boys that need to be gotten up, fed, and taken to school.  I have a husband who works hard hours, so I’m not waking him up, he needs his sleep….So, no lying around in bed for me.

I continue on my day, unwilling to allow the “poisoning” to take away a normal day.  I struggle through my workout with all sorts of fun palpitations and weakness.  Then I get to head to the accountant, where I pray my choice of white shorts was not a poor one.

I’ve not only been sick 24 hours I’ve been unable to keep food in me.  I feel the loss of calories and I know I still have dinner time, homework with the boys, chores, etc.

30 hours later, I’m exhausted and emotional.  The physical ramifications of my body ingesting gluten are horrible but mentally it does a number on me.  I’m irritable and fatigued.  I’m sitting here thinking:

“I really hope I can keep some calories in since I have a full day working tomorrow.”

I get pissed.  No other way around it.  People don’t take this seriously.  Its not like a nut allergy where anaphylaxis happens so it must not be so bad, right?!

I wrote into the restaurant and the store’s manager called this morning.  Although I appreciated her apologies, they fell on deaf ears.  The fact her staff were so ill informed as to guarantee my safety, falls squarely on her shoulders.

Nothing can be done now. I wait for the gluten to run it’s course, typically a full three days (thank God, I’m half way there.)  I will start my “healing” protocol:  up the probiotics, hydrocolontherapy, drink copious amounts of bone broth, and pray I can go  atleast 6 months before this happens again; because inevitably a misinformed, uneducated somebody will give me a guarantee.



Venison and Cherry Burgers

To Woo

“A wanton woman who could knowingly lead a man toward bed might just as easily…turn him away from it…. I myself, imagining one man I would like to woo, can easily invent a menu that would floor him like a stunned ox….

I would serve one too many Martinis, that is, about three. Then…I would have generous, rich, salty Italian hors d’oeuvres: prosciutto, little chilled marinated shrimps…things that would lead him on. Next would come something he no longer wanted but could not resist, something like a ragout of venison…and plenty of red wine, sure danger after the cocktails and the highly salted appetizers. I would waste no time on a salad, unless perhaps a freakish rich one treacherously containing truffles and new potatoes. The dessert would be cold, superficially refreshing and tempting, but venomous: a chilled bowl of figs soaked in kirsch, with heavy cream. There would be a small bottle of a Sauterne, sly and icy…and then a small cup of coffee so black and bitter that my victim could not down it, even therapeutically.

An Alphabet for Gourmets
MFK Fisher

The Art Of Eating

I love MFK Fisher.  I’ve been toting this book around with me for weeks.  She had such an interesting life full of adventure, heartache, wanderlust, and more.

Cooking is the art of wooing.  Making just the right meal with orchestrated flavors can bring joy and affection-it doesn’t always have to be romantic but, think back-how many extraordinary times in your life are also wrapped up in a taste or smell?


So many times, I love people through my food.  Whether a new mom welcoming a baby, a family in turmoil with a loved one fighting cancer, or a celebration for a new job; I love people through food.  (Be sure to see the recipes for just the right occasion)!

Recently, I was shown some love by my husband’s uncle who gifted us with wild game.  The next recipe is a concoction thought off by basically standing, staring into my fridge willing something magical to come to mind….oh and it is!

So when you’re “sweetening up” that new client, try this one on for size!  For every occasion there is a recipe, and if done just right wooing follows.

Venison and Cherry Burgers

Venison & Cherry Burgers

1 lb. ground venison
2 slices bacon, chopped
3 cloves garlic, chopped
1 large shallot, shopped
1 cup cherries (Rainier or other dark sweet), chopped
3 sprigs Thyme
1 sprig Rosemary, chopped
3 Tbsp olive oil
1/4 cup red wine (I used Cabernet)

In large bowl, add all ingredients and mix well.  Allow to marinate at least 1 hour.  Remove from fridge 20 minutes before creating burgers.  Once meat mixture has warmed at room temperature, create burgers with 3/4 to 1 cup of meat.  Heat grill on high then turn to medium.  Place burgers on grill, cook 3 minutes then flip.  Finish cooking about 3-4 minutes (DON’T KILL THE DEER AGAIN!  This is a lean meat, even with the bacon you can dry it out!)  Allow burgers to rest at least 5 minutes.  Serve with slaw, baked sweet potato chips, and avocado.  If you are using a bun, place a smear of mayo.